After leading 4 years of dealing with youth and ex-combatant world
I have met face to face with the black and white, the grey and the blue
Of youth minds….
This young people I called my kids
Have awarded me with the greatest reward of all,
They call me “mama”
Mama Elena or Mama Ellen…
Or just Ma…..

I am only 24 of age at that time
Have a boyfriend but haven’t thought about getting married let alone to have children
And these kids…
The ex-combatant, ex-drugers, street kids….
With their wacky coloured hair, sometimes smelly shirt and flawless hands
Reach out to me, sometimes hugging me
Sometimes pinch me in the cheek and shoulder
Sometimes dangling on my hands and feet
And called me … “Ma…”
That is the greatest feeling of all
The best award anything in this world could give me.

Once or twice, I found them red eyes and hollowed look
Needed their “shots” or drugs
Other times, I visited them in jail… for juvenile violation, fighting etc
Many times they come just to find food at Young Ambassadors for Peace secretariat
For a bath, for a sleep or a hide out from whatever they’re hiding from…
They just stood there and said shyly or somewhat ashamed
…”Ma…”

I miss each one of them now
Those who are police officers now
Those who are doing research for their thesis
Those who are teachers, govt officers, NGO workers etc
Those who are serving their sentence in Nusa Kambangan Penitentiary
Those who are lost and unreachable in the maze of tablets and shots

I’m 26 now, still not yet married, but I have many kids I call my children
I will always miss their look when they called me … “Ma…”
I am the blessed woman in this world.

The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.

Bertrand Russell adapted

Watching the sun go down in Cengkareng Airport
Accompanied by cleaning service and garbage girl
Surrounded by flirty taxi driver
We sat and watch as the sun went down
Casting its glorious golden ray to disembarking passengers
Hardly do they notice this glorified scene
When the golden sun enfolded by layer of polluted fumes
With disturbing sound of honking, taxi call, children wails, chit-chatter
The sun slowly went down… unnoticed and neglected
The heat turn mellow as the sun was swallowed by horizon of dusty trees
And I am still here sitting and watching
As the sunray turned to neon ray
As the night crept in and the tired bodies slump on a bench

I’m still here … waiting …

Memikirkan perkawinan bagaikan meraba-raba jalan ke dunia lain
Dunia yang gelap ... berwarna dan maya
Aku takut terpenjara dalam cinta
Bagai masuk dalam kungkungan jeruji-jeruji besi
Tatkala aku harus mengorbankan keinginan hati ku
Untuk terbang bebas dan melebarkan sayap
Demi suatu ujud cinta yang ku panggil suami
Sayap ku yang seharusnya mengembang penuh
Hanya mampu menyentuh sudut-sudut penjara jiwa
Demi suatu junjungan yang bernama kodrat istri
Melayani suami ... mertua dan ... anak ...

Tak tahukah mereka kalau aku selalu berada dalam dilema?
Aku tak hanya hidup untuk mereka dan bermimpi untuk mereka
Aku punya mimpi sendiri ...
Mimpi untuk terus terbang merentang sayap
Menyentuh setiap batas cakrawala ilmu
Menggapai setiap ranting kemampuan dipuncak yang tertinggi
Memandang jauh ke warna-warni horison karier

Mengapa harus kawin?
Didepan penghulu yang mengikat tambang perkawinan
Yang turut juga membelenggu kaki tanganku ke tahah
Haruskah kawin?
Bukankah itu cuma kontrak?
Yang terus dijalankan dari generasi ke generasi untuk terus membelenggu jiwa perempuan

Mengapa perempuan harus kawin?
Mengapa teman hidup kami kami harus dipilihkan?
Mengapa tak boleh kawin tua?

Waktu adalah musuhku yang utama
Akan kukalahkan dia sebelum dia merampas semua mimpiku
Dan takkan ku biarkan perkawinan menjadi pita emas yang membelenggu
Laki-laki seharusnya berlari bersama kita dan mendorong kita ke langit
Dan bukan meminta kita menenun mimpi
dalam mahligai emas rumah tangga

Next week... I'm heading back to Manila... the city - just like jakarta - filled with fumes and crowd
with pickpocet, burglars and thiefs roaming free...
A metropolitan with similar face with my metro city
Slums and skyscrappers collide and eventually mixing
The fact usually neglected by most of us passer-by
How we throw a pityfull glance to the slums and awe to the skyscrapper
Then head on to our bussiness
While the slum remain there ...
Life remain pitifull and hopeless
A desperate situation enabling people to sell their soul for a handful of rice
A great poverty which leads mother to sell their virgin daughters

If MDG is aiming for halfing world poverty in 2015
Then what can we do?
A mere citizen like us ... can do something as small as it is...
Look around.... work your hand ... so something small ... to make a difference.
We can contribute to half the world poverty.

Share what you think you can do on daily basis and on a simplest steps
To make a difference to your neighborhood ... city and region.

An hour ago, I have just met with my inner voice. I was coming out of the Public Internet Café where I used to check my mails. This Public Internet café is located directly opposite of 3 star hotel in our town. My friend Febby and ojek driver was revving the motor cycle when she realized that our motorcycle stuck in between other motorcycles and cars so she had to manuvered our motorcycle past a gap between a car and a becak (tricycle). Once she got the motorcycle ready I jumped on the motorcycle. Just when the man, the becak driver, called me,
“Adik (little sister), can I have the left over of your water?”

Febby was holding an almost empty mineral water bottle at that time and we were surprised to hear such a unusual request. For you to know, there are hardly any beggar in our town especially in the area identified as the “Christian” areas. There are only 1 beggar and several crazy people who walk around.

I was on the motorcycle and turning my head to see who was talking to me. And there he was, the man, the becak driver, still sitting on the becak with his body slightly tilt forward to talk to me. Almost in dazed Febby hand her almost empty bottle to me and I handed to him. Then I remembered that I have a bag of breads and cookies that I had bought earlier. So I also gave the bag to him.
“Danke banyak ade-ade” (Thank you very much little sisters)

The man held the almost empty water bottle and bag of breads to his chest and return to his becak. Febby and I started the engine and went home. Only a few meters, we were like struck with the experience and regret why we hadn’t bought a new water bottle or at least buy him dinner or asked what he need. We circle the block thinking that it’s not yet 1 minute since we left him so he must still be there. But when we pass the place he wasn’t there anymore. People there said that they haven’t seen any becak driver there.

Now, as I sit in front of my computer, I search for the meaning of this valuable encounter. I belive GOD telling me something. I believe that GOD was telling me that I must be prepared to serve and to be sensitive to people’s need. That the needy are all around us. Some need food some other need spiritual food and encouragement. I need to be able to respond to them.

All the way home, Febby and I talked about this. This is really struck us. One, because our town , like I said before had never had beggar. Second, the ego of the Ambonesse is so high that they think it’s humiliating if you beg and receive anything in public like our circumstances. I guess this is why me and her were momentarily dazed.

I reasoned myself that it’s OK. I’ve already given him water and bread. But deep inside I am very troubled. I regret that I wasn’t sensitive and responsive enough. I understand how hard it is being and Ambonesse to ask for the left over of others in public. He must have needed so badly. Maybe the whole day he doesn’t get enough passenger do his income was low. He must be tired and hungry but didn’t have enough money to buy because he had to bring the money home to his family. Ohhhh LORD ... I’m in tears now. I think I’m being very silly today. Just before when I was inside the internet café, I complained to myself that I don’t have enough money.

So I get some lessons from this. I hope this lesson works for you too
1. We need to be sensitive and responsive to people’s need. Try to give the best that we can give to others.
2. Give thanks for what we have now. As little as it is. There are others who have nothing. Instead in your limitation, share whole heartedly. The money I have now is far less than what I need and want. But I belive GOD knows what I need and fulfill my need by its time.
3. I need to figure out how reach out to this kind of people in my town. As I cannot use the same approach used in other parts of Indonesia, as our culture and custom were totally different. I belive one day, there will be a way to reach this people.
4. The needy people are not far. They’re not those in conflict areas, disaster areas, or poor people in the slums such as in Jakarta etc. But It may be your neighbors. People who passed you every day on the street. Even someone you live with under the same roof.
5. get more people to be aware and responsive of people in need. As if I’m the only one aware of this, I will take all the burden to my shoulder and I won’t be able to walk. Just as when we return to the spot and ask the people about the man and their reply was simple. They don’t know and they haven’t seen any becak driver. This ignorance needs to be eliminated.
Febby was saying that that must be an Angel because he disappear. Well, may be. And even if he doesn’t, it’s a pity that his presence was neglected by the society. And GOD forgive me that I’m one of them.
6. Last, Never regret the past time. I missed doing my best for him. But he has given a valuable lesson to me. Next time when I met people in need this lesson taught me on what best to do.

Hope that my story inspired others to reach their hands to those in need.
Let me share you the principle we have in YAP (Young Ambassadors for Peace)
In Young Ambassadors for Peace, we believe that we need to THINK PEACE, TALK PEACE and LIVE PEACE.
YAP also believe that TO CARE IS TO ACT
There’s no need for big actions. All we need to do is SMALL, MEASURABLE, ACHIEVABLE STEPS. Small steps ... small steps ... small steps ... to the big future.

Immediately after I Sign up to TIG, I was determined to complete my profile.
Then I stumbled on a disturbing choice I have to make.
Nationality ...?
Because I'm an Indonesian, I know I will choose Indonesian but the bracketed informationbehind it make me frowned.
TIG had made the choice to appear ... (incl Javanese/Sundanese/Sumatran)
ding ... ding .. !!!
What is that supposed to mean.... to my shallow mind it might meant

It is not sure whether Javanese/Sundanese/Sumatran are Indonesian therefore we need to have this prompt to make sure / acknowledge / encourage that they are part of Indonesia. This is very silly to me. As it become bias to me. I suppose that Indonesia mean Sabang (in Sumatra) and Merauke (in Papua). Why should an International site such as TIG make such emphasize?

Is it that Javanese/Sundanese/Sumatran have different nationality?
Would they claim that their nationality is that other of Indonesian??
Then what would it be?
This very small line make me wonder? Why does it introduce such confusing and bias ideas
this is like in a classroom when a teacher is talking and giving instruction and said,
"This class is required to submitt a one page essay on TIG", ]
then the teacher added, "that include the three of you... Jack, Sandra and Sam"

Well... to me ... something is not feeling right with this entry.

We are approaching April 25th, and in my place Ambon - Maluku province, that date is acknowledge as one of the separatism group Independence Anniversary (South Maluku Republic). on April 25th 2004, a big conflict occured and killed many prople as well as devastaed people's life, destroying houses and public facilities. And not just that we have just come out from 5 years of bloody conflict. We are still in post conflict period with all of it's long lasting effects.

Now just for a thought, East Timor, Aceh, Papua and Ambon all sprung out the separatism group.. wanting to separate themself from Indonesia. Why? because they are not satisfied with the treatment they get from the government. Some said becasue the attention they get from the government are so little and make them felt like a neglected step child. Some times they longed to hear their name being mention or their named being written somewhere.

Now the question remain. What is the reason TIG include and emphasizing promt on Nationality entry?? until I get the answer then I will rest my case.